I thought I would write a post and update those of you that still keep in touch and wonder how I am. I have been through quite a bit since the last post and I am still treading water and not very certain of the future and what the future may hold for me. I am still smack dab in the middle of the "divorce" or lack there of....still waiting and wondering.
I know I am where I am at because at this time in my life this is right where I am supposed to be. At times I wonder how I got here....and yet, but don't we all wonder that at times? Time seems to have a way of standing still and yet somehow it changes or doesn't it? They say, "The more things change, the more they stay the same." I feel I have changed for the better and I have grown as an individual, as a mother, as a daughter, and as a friend.
My Views in Life are Simple...
Give - but don't expect in return.
Love -but don't hold too tight.
Teach - because children learn what they live.
Cherish - appreciate all the little things in life.
Dream - but don't live with your head in the clouds.
Hope - for we all must believe in something.
Desire - but appreciate what you have.
Faith - is believing is what is true.
Kindness - we all must be sympathetic and understanding.
I know who I am and everything I stand for. I have self-worth. I have made sacrifices. I have given and still continue too. I have lost. I have fought. I have stumbled. I am strong. I am determined. I love. I cherish. I dream. I hope. I have faith. I desire. I love and I won't give up! Do you know who you are? Do you know how far you have come? Do you know where you are going? I am a strong believer in, "If you see it, you can achieve it!".....if you believe.
Each of us are fighting our very own battle. Be kind. Be understanding. Be supportive. Listen. Be brave and be who you are meant to be and everything else will fall in to place! I am, who I am because of what I have been through. I will continue to give, to love, to teach, to cherish, to dream, to hope, to desire, to have faith and to be kind. I won't give up! I must always, always, always remember to put one foot in front of the other.
Quite a few changes have taken place in my life in the past couple of months. I graduated from college with honors, in May. My husband, of over 17 years of marriage, asked for a divorce in January and it made my last semester of college one of the most difficult to accomplish when it should've been one of the best semesters. Also, I moved out of our home June 1, with our three children.
Now, I am truly on my own. This is a new beginning, a new journey, and one that has best quite difficult, but also very rewarding. I celebrate the small victories and appreciate the struggles, as I learn to do things for myself, allow others to help me and not be too proud to ask for help when I need help. I have always been a pretty independent person, but I am learning everyday, that it is okay to ask for help. I am learning. I am listening. I am patient. I am persistent. I am wide awake.
I have been looking for a full-time job and I was offered a full-time job today and took it! It was my first interview and then they asked me for a second interview. I was LUCKY! There was over 100 applicants for this position, and I being the chosen one, I do consider myself pretty LUCKY! I am thankful to be given the opportunity. I am very THANKFUL. I look to the heavens each and everyday.
I hope to get back into writing regularly on my blog and in time, I do hope to start creating once again even if only for myself. I do miss creating, but times have been tough. Change is tough. Going through a divorce is tough. I am only just beginning the process of our divorce and it is hard.
For the longest time, I let fear control me. No longer will I allow fear to control me. I know that if I set my mind to certain things, I can do whatever it is! I had forgotten just how strong I was/I am. I just needed to believe in myself. I know I will be okay. I just have to trust that I am right where I am supposed to be. I just always have to remember that ~Life is a Journey - Not a Destination~
My Grandma is going home and is now an angel, Feb. 9 - It was a beautiful sunrise this morning created just for her journey. This was one of my favorite pictures of her. She was walking with her great granddaughter. Grandma and I had our differences, but I still loved her. I never got to say good-bye and now am finding it very difficult. So many unanswered questions, thoughts, and feelings. I must move forward and remember the good times. I will miss her. May you find peace on your journey ♥ I love you Grandma Esther.
A new year to me means new goals. I don't really make resolutions, but I do have accomplishments that I want to complete and I do want to learn to accept the things I cannot change. I feel I am ever changing and for the better. Going to college has made me a better person and has made me more aware of so many things. Education, can it really do that? I think so. Education opens doors and minds. I will graduate in May and then I start another new adventure, a career. I have never had a career before. I have had jobs, and my art, which is my passion, but never a career. I miss my art, but it is still there, waiting...
Soul-searching and reflecting is normally what I do this time of year. I feel it is important for each one of us to do that from time to time. We need to know who we are, who we want to be, where we are, and where we are going or want to be. Goals and dreams are also important for everyone to have. For the longest time I didn't dream and I didn't have goals. I didn't like the person I was becoming. I had to make changes for me and I am so glad that I did.
Wishing each of you a wonderful evening. Be safe! Happy New Year 2012! Here is to new dreams, new goals, health, and happiness! Cheers, Tonya
I had to "borrow" a winter picture from the internet (hyper-link attached to the picture). Normally, this time of year we have plenty of snow, but not this year and that is fine by me. Some say that it does not "feel" like Christmas without any snow, but for me, I think the "feeling" of Christmas is from within and it is what is in your heart. I simply cannot believe how fast this month has flown by. It is nearly Christmas and I am still wondering where November went? Time seems to go by faster as I get older. Attending college sure doesn't help out with the whole time factor thou.
I am happy to say that I received all A's in my classes, however, I did not make the president's list, but I did make the dean's list. Fine by me! I am happy and I did my best! Two of my generals' classes gave me a 'run for my money' and I honestly thought I was going receive a B in each class. I will take an A- anytime. I am elated to be finished with six more general credits, along side with the core classes that I completed this semester. There was a ton of reading in my generals' classes, as well as, essays, portfolio building, critiquing, discussions, and video watching with writing responses to the videos. They were both on-line classes. I am just glad to be done and I am doing the HAPPY DANCE!!
I have break until January 9 and I am so very thankful. I can breathe and take some time for ME. I created some Christmas cards and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I stayed up way to late but it sure did feel good! I missed creating.
Wishing each of you an enjoyable holiday season. May each of you feel the "Magic" of the season. Cheers, Tonya
Next week is the last week of this semester and I must admit, I couldn't be more thrilled! This semester has virtually kicked my butt! I am not one that likes to read in long lengths and this semester I have done more reading than I care to even think about. I am not much of a reader, unless it is one of my magazines with my favorite artists or it has something to do with creating.
I am in Intro. to Art (an online course) and basically all I get to do is READ! Yup, chapter after chapter. Can we say FUN? And if that weren't enough, I have Freshman English and more reading. Double fun! I still have to work on my final essay, which is an argumentative essay. I completed my English final today...I hope I did okay. It is a tough class and I did the best I could.
I get to complete four more finals. I will be done the end of next week. It could not come soon enough because I am totally FEELING THE PRESSURE! Anxiety has kicked in and I am exhausted. I really can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Spring semester is just around the corner and I will finally get to play! I am registered for Ceramics 1, Painting 1, Two-Dimensional Art, and I have two online core classes. I just hope I will enjoy myself while fulfilling some of my generals. I completed all of my mandatory generals and the remaining generals were free reign. Of course, I had to sign up for a little bit of art. I was a little bit disappointed that they did not offer a photography course during the spring semester. I registered for what was available.
During the week of December 19, I hope I will be able to create some cards. I know a bit late and they will probably be received late, but "better late - than never!" I am itching to use some of my new Tim Holtz winter Sizzix dies. I want to make something similar to this, but I have not received my pine cone die. The NOEL die is one of my favorite for latest releases. It has such a vintage look to it. My cards will have to do without the pine cone for those that are being sent in the mail. Is anyone else following the "12 Tags of Christmas" on Tim's blog? I love waking up each morning and getting my Tim - tag fix. I love this time of year. I can't believe this is already day 9 and there are only 3 more tags left. I love learning new techniques and I simply cannot wait to have time to try some of those new techniques. I keep tell myself..."all in good time!"
Back to the grindstone...more studying. Cheers to each of you!
This move, (the Thursday evening bit) really bothers me. I feel Thanksgiving is a time to be with family. I feel that we should 'Give Thanks' and take time to be 'thankful' for all the things we do have instead of worrying about the things we may want. What has happened to the thought of family and spending good quality time with one another? I think that is a major part of what is wrong with society.
Most are so busy with their electronic devices that no one pays attention to what is really going on around them and within their home. I was reading some of the comments that people are have made on the Wal-Mart article and I applaud most of them! They say to "buy American." "Stay home with your family" and "have a family breakfast." Some also stated, because of opening so early in the evening, some do not even get to be with their families on Thanksgiving because they have work for the 'Black Friday' preparation. How sad that we have put 'things' as our priority in life, rather than 'family.'
I just know that as I get older, I realize what is important to me, in my life, and it is not"things!" I wish more people would take the time to be with family this season and be appreciative for what we/they do have. Be thankful that you do have your loved ones to spend this time with.
I am going to get back to my studying. I have to create a portfolio in art, write a critique essay for English, work on my spreadsheets, and also my Integrated documents. I am starting to feel a bit overwhelmed...but I am taking it one day at a time and putting one foot in front of the other. That is all I can do. I hope you have a wonderful day! Cheers, ~Tonya
FYI- the picture listed was found here and I thought it was a really neat picture. A little to do with art and it said the 'sentiment' that I wanted to say. I clicked on it and what did I find? A blog that says "Try Handmade" at the top! How appropriate!!
This is a picture from the gals that were just at Art Camp in October. From visiting Terri's blog, I can tell they all had a wonderful time! Everything looks AMAZING! From the art classes, to the food, the desserts (my favorite), the ocean view, making new friends, and so many wonderful memories made are all priceless! I can't wait until April to make my own memories and friends that will last a lifetime!
I cannot express my feelings into words appropriately for such generous gifts from two women whom I've never met. Thank you for the bottom of my heart ~ you will never know how much this means to me.
After a long day at school, then being at my daughter's fall party at school as a room parent, and then out trick or treating with my daughter's....it is finally nice to be home! HAPPY HALLOWEEN to all of you! I just know this is one Halloween that I will remember for the rest of my life!
I miss creating and having free time. Free time to just "BE." Be able to spend time with my children without having to worry about what assignment or essay is due. Be able to just rest, if only for a while, without having (what feels like) the weight of the world on my shoulders. I know there are others that are going through the same thing or worse, but I can't help but wonder ~ When will life get easier?
To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.
I am becoming educated. I am more patient. I am more in-tune to my own thoughts and own feelings. I am hopeful. I am building for my future. I am content.My eyes and mind are wide open. At the same time, I am scared. I am lost. I am confused. I feel detached. I feel alone.
Isn't it amazing how we can feel whole and feel broken all at once. Emotions are very complicated if you try to put them into perspective. I know that I am becoming more of a person that I have always wanted to be. I am!
I do have one dollie listed and yes, she is 40% off. I have not had any time for creating and I miss it terribly. I have had my nose to the books and learning quite a bit. We are smack dab in the middle of an INDIAN SUMMER and I am loving it! Enjoy each day to the fullest! ~Tonya